I will remember him. 🌺

Remembrance Sunday is upon us and it is 100% years since WW1 began.  For many of us alive today that really is another life time. For our children, it's history, a story about something that happened in the past made real by a few old photographs and the odd love letter between a young soldier and his lover back home. 

This year my daughter's homework was to prepare a timeline of events and people in our family over the past 100 years and gather any information about family that served in either war. 

We are lucky that my uncle is an historian and has the most amazing family archives I've ever seen, including my Grandpa's life story ( reading it was life changing).

So he happily gathered some information and together Madeline and I began to read it.

    My Grandpa in WW2

That's when it hit me. These men that we are reading about are young boys, their whole life is in front of them. They have dreams, they have a wife, a mother, a daughter. They really aren't just a single red poppy in a field or a name on a list. 

Close your eyes for a moment, think of the man closest to you in your life, the one you love with all your heart, there may be more than one. 

How old is your son? The boy you would lay your life down for? 

Think about them for a moment. 

So tomorrow they are told they have to leave, you don't know how long for and you don't really know where they are going but they HAVE to go - and no, it doesn't matter that their wife is pregnant, their mother is ill, their baby will be one next week or they are in the middle of building you a new garden shed. 

So off they go. Just like that..... Gone....... Only the void of emptiness left. The uncertainty of when you'll see them again. The fear of the unknown. Loosing a part of yourself. 

So here are the men I will remember today. 

James Joy, my great Grandfather was born in Ireland in 1885. When war broke out in 1914 he became a solider in the 1st Battalion of Irish Guards, an old and proud regiment.

In 1915 he went to France and served in the trenches. (aged 30) Although he never talked about it we do think he served for the first few months at the Battle of the Somme in 1916. The cold, wet lonely trenches. At 30, he should have been out with his friends, enjoying life and dreaming big. He was lucky enough to survive the war, but what he didn't know as he served in the trenches was that he was almost half way through his life already. 

Toward the end of 1916 he transferred to the Royal Military Police. And the rest is another story. 

He died in 1951 aged 66.

So me and Finlay and Madeline are living legacies of this battle he fought. He saved us, gave us the life we live. Gave us freedom. 

My Grandpa.

Where do I begin with this man.

Without the war he was my hero. 

He was called Ronald Joy or Ron as he was mostly known. He was born 1925, and was at school,when the war began.  He was well over 6ft, so as a child he was very tall. People thought he was older than he actually was and thought he was opting out if going to war, this used to insult him terribly. 

    Grandpa in 1940, aged 15. 

In 1943 ( aged 18) he joined the Royal Navy where be eventually became a petty officer. 

He served in some scientific research places before joining HMS Devonshire. During this time he  traveled to the Far East and Australia. His ship's job as a minesweeper was to clear old mines from the sea to make it safe for other ships. 

After the war he never liked to travel far. He never talked much about that time either. In those days there was no councilling, no charities set up to support returning service men, help them with the traumatic experiences. They simply came home and carried on, at least on the outside but who knows the battles they fought inside their head for the rest of thier lives.

He died 2000 aged 75. Always a hero. 

Writing this post, really remembering people who fought for us, has left me with a heavy heart, a sadness for those young men who really gave their lives for us, family they didn't even know yet. Such a selfless act. And pride, pride in family ties, the human spirit and mostly in love. 

 Today we remember their greatness, the great ones. The ones who saved us. We also remember those who continue to do just that.

Our troops around the world fighting for us and sacrificing their lives. 

    X🌺

 

Backpacks and those who help lighten the load.

This post has a slightly more serious feel to it than usual. It has been inspired not by negativity but more by the pulling together and kindness of others in difficult times. I hope it will help us believe that there is hope..... Always.

I've had this idea for sometime now, about a backpack. It's what we wear to carry our troubles in big and small. We all carry pebbles. Some days they are heavier than others, the daily worries, juggling family life, work pressures, family pressures - you know the ones.  But what happens when sometimes we carry rocks for a long time. Great big heavy rocks that take our breath away and cause physical pain inside. Cause our backs to ache and our hearts to break. 

How does that impact on our daily lives and how is the burden made a little lighter.

Yesterday was a very sad day for a special friend. This friend is one of the most lovely people I know and means a lot to me. They had some tragic news.  As I sat with another lovely friend making sense of it,  I talked about the backpack analogy and how lots of us carry these unseen weights. We spent a little time just quietly being with each other and it was in those moments that I realised the key to helping carry a friends backpack isn't in trying to take it off and empty it, it's about walking beside them and holding the strap for a while as they catch their breath. The unsaid support can be the most powerful.

I am lucky. I have some special people who've helped me carry my backpack this past few years, some in ways so quiet that no one else would see. They've all helped me to make my backpack invisible in many ways to those not so close. 

It's easy during these difficult times to feel alone, maybe that no one cares or understands because their lives appear to go on as normal, but if you step back and look carefully,  you will often see the love and the help that your nearest and dearest offer. Tiny stars twinkling brightly in the darkest sky.

I am about to embark on a little project of interviewing people who carry these heavy backpacks every single day and yet somehow manage to carry on with life,  appearing to the outside world that they are "ok."  This, " I am ok" is important for self protection and to enable us to work through grief and other powerful emotions whilst also continuing a normal life for ourselves and most importantly for our children. 

I hope these coming posts will do two things. Firstly allow those who are living with difficulties or who have been through difficullt times to express how they feel, to be heard, remember a loved one or tell their story. 

Secondly, to give hope to people who maybe aren't as far on in their journey, to let them know there is hope, there is light. I think we all need to be reminded sometimes of the strength of the human spirit and the kindness of both friends and strangers.

If you feel you have a story to tell and would be happy to share it with others, please contact me via my email address maria101@sky.com

If you would like to leave a comment please do so on the FB page underneath the blog post.

X

Precious moments for them....... And us!

Hurray for the summer holidays again! I am lucky enough to have six whole weeks with my two partners in crime to enjoy some wonderful adventures. 

My main aim this holiday was to slow things down and do less. Life has been pretty hectic and I felt time was passing  by in recent months in a bit if a blur. 

I felt my most said phrases had become "hurry up" and " if we have time". 

Not great.

So with school out for summer we began our adventures, I was biting my tongue to stop the above mentioned phrases making an appearance.

We took time over breakfast and I asked my two questions, simple questions about what they had enjoyed the previous day and why. They began to teach me what I already knew in my heart. It really is the little things that make the wonderful, memorable moments. They loved the days in late July we had in the garden, the late evening strolls followed by hot chocolate, playing out in the street, meeting friends but mostly they loved the fact that they had their best vacation in the world this year.          ( again)

 "Where did you go?" I hear you ask..... We spent five days in the lake district, with lots of rain and a chilly August breeze. That melted my heart. 

All this aside, all these wonderful days, two happy children....... I am exhausted! I'm not complaining, but it is hard work being a mum 24/7. Anyone who says anything other isn't being 100% honest. It's the best thing and the hardest thing. 

So what about us mums? When do we get five minutes to recoup?

 At this point I hear you snigger, especially those of you with under fives. 

 

Here are my top ten tips for soothing body, mind and soul when time is of the essence. 

1. A cup of tea and a giggle friends. I'm really blessed to have some very special friends and we make time to do this on a regular basis. They probably don't realise but it always lifts my spirits. The tea helps too. 

2. Read a book. I'm guilty of doing this less when I'm busy. But actually it's a real soul soother, I find I disappear into the story and sometimes am genuinely upset when the story is finished!

3. Excercise. I'd love to say I run four times a week and do Pilates.... If you'd asked me five years ago if have said I do. Now I lack time and energy BUT I do power walk as many days of the week as I can, for about an hour and until I'm breathing a little faster. My two go on their bikes or scooters so I have to work a little to keep up! Not the most intense workout but it helps me relax. 

4. Drink lots of water. I drink gallons of the stuff, I always have a bottle in the car, one on  my desk at work and it's the first things I do when I wake on a morning. Try it. Not drinking enough can leave you tired and can cause headaches. 

5. Meditate. Just a few minutes a day can really help. Take a look at  "headspace" they do a great APP and it's really easy to do. Helps you escape for just a few minutes a day. 

6. Pamper yourself. In an ideal world a massage every few weeks and a fortnightly facial and massage would be top of my list but it just isn't a possibility. So home pampering is the way forward. A face mask, an overnight hair mask,       ( I'm really into using Lucy Bee coconut oil at the moment) and a file and  polish. It's amazing how much better you feel just with painted nails! 

7. An early night, or two or more! This without a doubt makes you feel better. Lack of sleep and sleep deprivation really makes you feel bad. It's difficult when you have hungry babies that like to snack in the night! But little naps when you can will help just a little bit.

8. Write. Even if it's a one line diary entry, a one off page about how you feel or a debut novel! I write all the time from poems to one off pieces to a few novels!! It really helps me switch off. After my beloved Grandpa died I was privileged to read his life story that he had written. It blew me away on so many levels. I'm sure it was used as an outlet to him too. My uncle also writes fantastic things.  Writing is in my family's blood. I love it. Try it. 

9. Connect with nature. This is like marmite. You will either love this or truly hate it. Give it a try, you might surprise yourself. Take your shoes off at the beach and walk on the sand. Go into the garden in the dark and watch the moon and stars, walk in the forest. Paddle in the sea or a river. I know it's sounds cliched but you really do realise how small you are and a sense of calm washes over you. 

10. Take a break. This isn't always possible for various reasons. A night away can really clear the head. If this isn't possible a long day trip does the same thing. Pack up snacks, a camera and head off somewhere you've never been,  take pictures of the things that interest you or of the people you are with. 

Enjoy the journey and use it as a chance to converse. Leave all your troubles at home...... They'll be there when you get back! 

I would love to hear your ideas- I'm always looking for quick and easy ways to clock off for short periods of time!

Happy relaxing after your summer adventures! 

Sunshine a plenty

As we packed up the car Sunday afternoon and headed toward the beach I felt the weight of the working week bearing down on me and the apprehension of the busy week ahead film my soul. 

"Mum, have we got the buckets?"

" shall I take my swimsuit?"

" have you got the snacks?" 

And so it went on...  All the while I rushed around the house grabbing everything we may possibly need and in the back of my mind dreaming of evening when I could climb back into my bed and shut off. 

At last we were in the car, I breathed that sigh of relief.... You know the one..... It's almost like a relief to be finally headed off, a peaceful thirty minute journey began.

As we neared the chosen beach for the day, one we had never visited, my eyes saw a sight that made us all squeal withy just a little excitement.....

There in the distance were two little rows of brightly coloured beach huts. 

As we neared we decided we would have to have one for the day and promptly set about finding out how to obtain one. 

Ten minutes later, keys in hand, we entered our little beach hut for the day and as we opened the door, I also opened my heart and packed up all the baggage I was carrying, looked around and knew right then this was going to be a good day.

My two were quick to test the deck chairs and promptly gave them the seal of approval. 

Fine minutes later we were running find to the sea, splashing each other and jumping waves. 

We had such fun, had our lunch outside our beach hut and of course took many photographs. 

We also met lots of lovely people who stopped as they passed, marvelling at the beach huts. " come inside, have a look" became my favourite line, " I should be on commission" I giggled. But for me, there is nothing sweeter than sharing something wonderful with others. 

By now I felt relaxed, had switched off from the weekly grind and was genuinely enjoying some quality time with my two. 

It is hard, when we are busy, to connect with our children, talk to them and most importantly listen to them. I am guilty of that all too often. 

As we drove home, the late afternoon sun hovered low in the sky, we all chatted about the day. The consensus was " we'll definitely go back" and guess what, in late August we are! X

Mother's Day Musings

Mother's Day......... A day of rest, relaxation, a day about me.... I'm a mother right?

But strange as it may seem, today is always about my own mother.  That's where my heart and thoughts are.   I don't feel I've yet qualified for the day to be all about me, I am, after all, still learning great lessons from her.

It isn't until you become a mother yourself that your eyes are opened to just how much you are actually loved by your mother.  The unconditional love, the sacrifice, the putting you way way before themselves. Also the pleasure, the immense satisfaction and the utter, utter exhaustion.

I am, every day, still in awe of my mother. She still tends to me like a mother bird does to her young, she loves me unconditionally. I can honestly say, I don't know where I'd be without her.

They say beauty comes from within, it sure does show on her face, she radiates love and happiness.

When I grow up, I want to be just like her.